I enjoy reading. I don’t stick to a certain genre, though I have some favorites. I read at least three books at any given time. One on my Kindle, one in tangible book form, and the third I read by listening. Each medium fits a different part of my life. Because of the different manner each book is entering my brain; I seem to easily differentiate between them.

Most books, fiction included, teach me something. Either I’ll isolate a phrase that has meaning to me, or some random fact mentioned in the story will eerily speak to an event currently taking place in my life. I read for my edification and entertainment. Often I gain a deeper understanding of a topic or culture or myself.

Sometimes I read through a book in days. Others can take weeks if not months. If I cannot get in to the flow of the book, I am fine putting it down. Most of the time I never revisit a book that didn’t capture my attention the first time. One big exception to the rule was a little book by Don Miguel Ruiz. “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom” got under my skin. It was becoming a quest. While the book seems brief, it is packed with some great foundational guidance.

I now own a copy of this book as a recording, in tangible form, and on my Kindle. I tried reading it in paperback form and the text seemed like a foreign language to me. Because it receives overwhelmingly positive reviews, I thought perhaps a different form of the book might work better. So I tried the recorded version. Nope. Then I tried the Kindle. Nothing. Over the course of four years, I could not get in to this book. Try as I might, the style of writing was as though I was asking my brain to trudge through soft, muddy grounds in springtime. Each time I tried to read it I would inevitably put the book down in frustration. What did all these hundreds of thousands people see that I wasn’t? I’m not sure what was more frustrating — not being able to read it and make sense out of it or knowing that the far majority of those who read it found it valuable and I couldn’t get past the first chapter.

The trick, for me, was to simply let go and read. I stopped approaching it as “the book that will change my life” and picked it up merely to read it. I’m not sure if my approach was the only change, but it took me just two days to finish the book. It read so smoothly! The language is used differently than I am used to hearing. Yet by approaching the text with an openness of heart and mind, I found the higher meaning for me.

According to the author, we are unknowingly robbing ourselves of joy. By adopting the Toltec wisdom, we can approach life in a healthier way. It begins with understanding that we are born perfect. Through time we are trained in the ways of those who raise us. From the beginning, we grow by accepting teachings from many sources as irrefutable facts. In essence, we make agreements with the influencers around us. But these agreements are not always in our best interest. The author encourages us to adopt four basic codes of conduct, agreements that will free us from self-inflicted needless suffering. Below is my simplistic explanation of these four agreements.

Be Impeccable With Your Word — Say what you mean. Speak with integrity. Your word is your worth. Stop using your word to spread negativity, mistruths or gossiping. Our words have power. Use them for good, knowing they can cause irreparable harm if misapplied.

Don’t Take Anything Personally — is a reflection of you. Their choices and actions are their own and you cannot take responsibility. What they say and do is a projection of their reality, not yours.

Don’t Make Assumptions — Learn the truth of a situation before passing judgment or altering how you feel. One of our worst enemies is the silence that breeds assumptions. Tell people what you need. Don’t be hurt if they don’t act as you wish if you didn’t ask. Communication avoids misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

Always Do Your Best — You won’t always win. But each day you should put your best effort into each task. Some days that effort will be better than others. That doesn’t mean you weren’t giving all you could at that moment. If you do your best under any circumstance, you avoid the negative self-talk and regret.

Being human is complicated. We continually receive and process messages. Those messages go through the filter of our individualistic understandings. Commentary from media outlets, colleagues, friends and family can feed into our self-worth, if we let them. We have to agree with what we see and hear for it to impact us.

We have the ultimate control over what we believe. By incorporating these four agreements into our lives, we can avoid much of life’s strife. It is not easy. There is a reprogramming of some long-held beliefs that must take place. But the effort can make a positive difference in our lives.

Lesslee Dort is a board-certified patient advocate who firmly believes knowledge is power when it comes to being in control of one’s health. She spends her days helping others navigate their health care and her free time exploring. Reach Lesslee via email at lesslee@friendstogethermi.org. Read her here the third Thursday of each month.