This week does not disprove global warming
Come Heller high water …
∫ OK, maybe a decade ago it was marginally clever during a bad winter storm to say, “Gee, I guess they called off that global warming thing!” Today, it’s not funny. Regardless of your political beliefs, global warming/climate change is real, and it doesn’t mean the death of winter. It means more and more extreme weather, which is exactly what we got this week.
∫ This week’s winter storm has a name. Did you know that? It’s called Winter Storm Jayden. Did I miss a memo or something? I thought we just named hurricanes. Now, every storm of any magnitude seems to have a name. I guess I’m old-school. The biggest winter storm of my lifetime was the blizzard of ’78. And that’s what we called it. Not creative, but it got the job done. I’m glad we didn’t use popular first names on winter storms back then, or I’d have spent my whole life boring people with stories about Winter Storm Jennifer (the most popular female name in 1978). And it’s only a matter of time before we get a Hurricane Dakota. Somehow, a Hurricane named Dakota doesn’t sound dangerous, you know? If we’re going to name all storms, I’d prefer something descriptive, like Fairly Intense Sprinkle Caitlin or Snowmageddon: We’re All Going to Die 2019.
∫ One last weather note. My winter gloves had holes, so I went to a department store to buy new ones. After wandering around for 10 minutes, I finally found a few pairs at the back of the store on part of a rack hidden near the men’s socks. What was easy to find (not that I was looking): summer shorts, swimsuits and sandals. This is a new record for season-jumping by stores, I think. Please stop it.
∫ The lovely-yet-formidable Marcia was watching “The Bachelor” the other night. I said, “How is it?” She said, “Very Bachelory.” Which somehow made perfect sense to me. I think we’ve been living together way too long.
∫ I read about a new study last week that says Michigan drivers, according to various statistics, are the best in the nation. I haven’t stopped laughing since. So British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli (not Mark Twain) was right when he said: “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.”
∫ At this point, wouldn’t it be quicker if the Democrats who aren’t running for president held press conferences?
∫ Even Howard Something-Or-Other, the former CEO of Starbucks, is running. Why? His contribution to society is stupidly expensive coffee and calling small drinks tall, which is just so irritating I can’t stand it. I’m one of those annoying people who refuses to order by tall, grande and venti. Usually, the counter person (I also refuse to use the term barrista — yes, I’m one of those customers) don’t mind, but I have had this conversation: “I’ll have a small latte.” “Do you mean a tall?” “No, I mean a small.” “But a tall is like a small.” “I know that. So give me a small.” “OK, one tall latte.” “I hate you.”
∫ It’s cold out, so I’m watching more TV. When did game shows make a comeback? And have you noticed that studio audiences for game shows, talk shows and even “Saturday Night Live” are teeny, tiny these days?
∫ “In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” — Albert Camus