Kamara Marsh

As I drove home with my son from a recent spur-of-the-moment trip that we took to Rockport where we viewed one of the most beautiful moonrizes either of us has ever witnessed, I couldn’t help but think about the events of the past few days, months, and years, and the impact this has had on our family. Without going into great detail, let’s just say that we’ve had multiple back-to-back losses, with little if no time to recover before encountering another setback.

This past week was no exception. One day in particular stood out. I woke up in a fog that morning, which doesn’t happen often. However, when it does, it makes it very challenging for me to function and make decisions. As fate would have it, I was scheduled to work that day seeing my clients as an online counselor. Shortly after logging into my first session, my device overheated and shut down, causing me to miss multiple sessions.

Then, as if that wasn’t bad enough by itself, my son came to me frantic and anxious and was later admitted to the ER with a high heart rate. After spending the latter part of the morning and the greater part of the afternoon there, we arrived home only to discover that our pup was sick. On top of that, my primary social media account that I use for business purposes was hacked and I was locked out. Yet, with several hours still left in my day.

Now, I don’t want to turn this into a rant session or come off as whining. The reality is that we all encounter challenges and  sometimes, multiple ones all at once. You may be struggling on your job or may not even have a job. You may be encountering conflict in your relationships. You may have suffered from a profound loss or even multiple losses. Someone within close proximity of you may have betrayed you and hurt you deeply. Regardless of the circumstance, it is inevitable that we will encounter days where everything seems to hit us all at once.

So, how do we deal with challenges that come our way? How do we figure out how to solve the problems that we face from day to day? How do we gain focus and the ability  to function effectively? How do we let go of belief systems and viewpoints that serve us no purpose?

As a professional counselor, one of the first things I teach my clients is the importance of focusing on what is in their control, and letting go of what isn’t. I believe one of the greatest weapons we have to face challenges in life is the ability to let go. Oddly enough, we actually gain more power over our situation in the end when we learn to let go. So, how do we do this? How do we let go?

First, we need to address harmful distorted thinking. We need to identify negative problematic thoughts and replace them with positive, more realistic ones. We need to reframe our inner and outer voice to speak and focus on where we want to be headed in life, instead of what is going wrong at the moment. Our words need to focus on the solution and not the problem. We can do this by utilizing verbal affirmations. Some people create their own, while others speak scriptures or famous quotes. Multiple studies have shown that our words are powerful and influence how we feel and react.

Then, if possible, create physical distance from the problem. Dismiss yourself from stressful situations and/or people. Distancing yourself will help you not think about your circumstances or be reminded of the hurt you experienced from them. This will give you the time you need to regroup, process what is troubling you, and make a plan for moving forward.

It is also helpful to surround yourself with supportive, loving people. We weren’t created to be islands. We can’t do life alone and need others to lean on when we are hurting. When you’re dealing with painful feelings from a situation that hurt you, it can be very helpful to find someone you trust to talk to about it.

Practicing mindfulness can help to more effectively cope with problems and challenges. Simply put, this term means to keep our thoughts in the here and now. The more we can bring our mind to the present moment, the less impact our past or future has on us. There are multiple online resources to assist us in learning how to do this.

It is also helpful to engage in healthy self-care practices. Although consistent diet, exercise, and sleep habits are important, good self-care is comprised of much more than just that. Healthy self-care also includes setting boundaries, learning to say no, doing things that bring comfort and joy as well as tuning into our own needs and putting our own “mask” on first. The more we implement consistent self-care practices into our daily lives, the more empowered we will become and then hurts won’t feel so overwhelming.

If your struggles and challenges continue to cause you stress for an extended period of time, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. Sometimes an outside opinion can be helpful in sorting out your concerns. You may need professional guidance to help you navigate through the process of making necessary changes and improvements in your life.

In closing, one of the best ways to heal from hurtful experiences is to identify lessons learned from your situation. Then, use what you’ve learned to grow and move forward with momentum. Don’t let your struggles cause you to get stuck or want to give up. Sometimes, it just takes a little time and determination to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Learning to let go will likely be one of the greatest weapons that you have to combat the storms that life brings your way.

Kamara Marsh is a Michigan-made Licensed Professional Counselor and award-winning artist from East Lansing now residing in Alpena, where she combines her gifts of art and healing to reach the world, one person at a time. She can be reached at esimorp@att.net.