Come Heller high water …

∫ I wish Democrats would just shut up about a “blue wave” for the midterms. There may be one, but it’s far less likely to happen when they keep going on pundit shows and yapping/boasting about it. Zip the lips, people. Let things unfold. Watched pots, you know?

∫ Democrats: “But the polls! They’re in our favor!” Yeah, so? They were in Hillary’s favor in 2016, too. I never believe polls and always scoff when pollsters tell me how “scientific” they are and how there’s a 4 percent margin of error. No, there’s not. With every poll, there’s a guaranteed, 100 percent chance they’ll be wrong. And do you know why? Because people are people and sometimes people lie to pollsters or change their minds after talking to them. That’s why.

∫ Hear ye, hear ye, after watching the first two games, I have officially revised my prediction of the Detroit Lions’ record this season from 5-11 to 0-17. You’re thinking, “Shows what you know — they only play 16 games, so they can’t possibly lose 17, dummy.” That’s true, but I think the Lions will be so incredibly bad the league will award them an extra loss so it’s clear for the record books that they were the worst of all time. (Of course, I’m a lifelong Green Bay Packers fan, so I might be a tad biased. But honestly, how many decades are you people going to put up with this? There’s loyalty then there’s masochism.)

∫ Stafford throws like he needs glasses.

∫ Trump said this week, “This is a tough hurricane, one of the wettest we’ve ever seen from the standpoint of water.” It was also one the windiest we’ve ever seen from a stuff-blowing-around standpoint. And one of the most destructive from the standpoint of stuff breaking. Sometimes it’s almost like he’s trying to get mentioned on “Saturday Night Live,” you know?

∫ A new study says that, by 2019, nearly half of all cellphone calls will be scams. Fortunately, no one ever answers their cell phone, so no big deal. The only time I answer is when the person calling is in my contact list and the screen shows me their name. Otherwise, I figure it’s my former lawn care company calling again (the invention of Constant Contact was a terrible, terrible thing) or whoever’s calling will leave a message if it’s important, which it never is.

∫ I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I often use my little column to air petty complaints about people and society. (You: “No kidding, Sherlock.”) So, here’s today’s beef: Why, of all commercials, are car and truck commercials so incredibly bad, dumb and irritating? And all the same? Every pickup truck and SUV commercial I see, for instance, shows manly men at construction sites, driving up mountains or crossing streams. Streams? Why? Most pickups and SUVs I see are driven by business men and women. The dirtiest they get is when they hit a puddle. And why are pickups so damned big these days? They don’t fit in parking spots. How do people get them in a garage?

∫ Also, why do they play rock music under sports highlights while they’re also talking about them? I can’t hear what you’re saying, announcer person! Then I have to turn it up, prompting the lovely yet formidable Marcia to tell me to turn it down.

∫ “Our greatest glory is not in never failing but in rising every time we fall.” — Confucius.