Jackie Krawczak

Let’s talk about help.

Asking for help can leave us feeling vulnerable, incompetent, or weak. Perhaps it is because independence is often celebrated in our society. Or maybe because pride looms large in many of us.

A feeling I struggle with when asking for help is the feeling of being a burden on someone else. Many people are busy and stretched thin as it is, so why would I want to ask for them to help me when they are already so stacked with responsibilities?

Asking for help when it is truly needed is not a weakness. It is a sign of self-awareness and personal insight. It is courageous and indicates that you know your own limitations and are committed to learning, growing, and solving problems.

When we ask for help, we introduce the possibility of new or different perspectives. We encourage collaboration and can often ignite creative solutions that we wouldn’t have arrived at on our own. Asking for help can also bring us closer to, and learn more about, those who help us. It allows others to realize they are not alone in the struggles they face.

One of my consistently favorite experiences seeking help is when I text four important women in my life and ask for assistance. Sometimes it’s to ask for their input on purchasing something, other times it might be to ask them to help brainstorm creative names for a program. Sometimes, it is to ask for input on a marketing document for my work. I enjoy the interaction that occurs in those group chats. There is usually some joking, which makes it fun, but learning always occurs as new ideas and perspectives are presented.

I still don’t always ask for help when I should, and sometimes even deny the help that is offered, even though I know I should accept it (why do I insist on carrying everything myself when my arms are full and someone offers to help?). But I am much more likely to ask for help than I was years ago. In addition to lots of hours of therapy, one of the four women I mentioned gave me some great and valuable advice about asking for help.

She said that when we allow someone to help us, we are fulfilling something in them. If we deny them the opportunity to help, we are denying them the opportunity to receive that fulfillment.

My therapist also helped me wrap my brain around the feeling of being a burden. She led me to realize that when someone asks me for help and I say yes, I don’t feel like they are a burden to me. Why then would I feel like I am a burden to those who say yes to my requests for help? It is still hard for me to accept that sometimes, but it does help to think of it from that perspective. It’s like the struggle I have with believing compliments. I never give a compliment I don’t mean, so why would I think that anyone who compliments me is lying to me?

Just as asking for help leads to positive outcomes, the act of offering help does too, for both the receiver and giver of the help. Helping others can lead to us growing in our understanding of and appreciation for humanity. It adds value to our neighbors, friends, and even strangers. It shifts our focus outward instead of inward and allows us to see the bigger picture of society and our impact on it.

Studies repeatedly show that people who engage in helping others have less stress, better moods, and a greater sense of purpose. So, helping someone else also helps us.

Help can be a tricky thing. Too much can lead to enabling and no growth. But not asking for help or never helping others will also lead to a lack of growth and other negative outcomes.

Next time you see an opportunity to help someone, don’t just pass by. Think about the value it might bring to them and you. The next time you feel overwhelmed or are struggling with something, consider asking for help. You will allow someone else to experience the joy we experience when we help someone, and you will gain an opportunity to grow.

Jackie Krawczak is president of Jackie Krawczak LLC. Her column runs every three weeks on Thursdays. Follow Jackie on X @jkrawczak.