Some of those among us seem to share the tough times in life with others with relative ease. They “live out loud” and boast about an open-book life and their ability to have no secrets. It must feel so free to not carry your burdens around.

I have complex feelings about this behavior and practice. On the one hand, I see the courage that openness demands and envy it. Yet, the act of divulging our hardships feels as though one person is dumping their troubles on another unsuspecting soul who may not be prepared to carry the additional weight. So how do we know which way is better?

We don’t. Not at first, anyway. But what we do know is that there is joy in shared experiences. We learn from the stories we hear. We may not realize it as it occurs, but growth happens in both the teller of the story and the listener. Bonds of trust begin to grow.

Life is messy. We all have less than perfect lives. Live long enough and it is obvious that no one goes through life unscathed. So why bottle it up and present only the polished side of life? The simple answer is, we shouldn’t carry our struggles alone in silence.

Yes, at first it is hard to talk to people about the icky stuff going on in your life, especially if you’ve never revealed your reality before. We know that we aren’t the only ones who have fears, tough times, weaknesses and feelings of failure. Yet, somehow, we think no one could understand our unique experiences. Or maybe they could understand, but would they think less of us because we don’t have a handle on our life.

So, there we are, walking around in our own private silos, believing those around us do it all on their own, too. I am among the silent people. We believe that if we admit we don’t know exactly what to do in any given circumstance, we open ourselves to ridicule and judgment. We may even end up making the situation worse if we choose the wrong confidant. So, we struggle in silence. We tell ourselves we should know how to overcome a difficult point in life. We work the problem alone, put on a socially acceptable smile and go out into the world. If we are deep into this belief, we see our silent, solo struggle as a badge of honor.

Please stop doing this. It paints an incredibly skewed picture of the world and, maybe more damaging, the silence can make a bump-in-the-road into a fissure so wide that civil engineers would be stumped on how to bridge the gap.

You will not know at first if you have selected the right person to listen to your sticky situation. But if you don’t give them a chance, you will likely miss out on truly knowing how beautiful a relationship of support can be for two or more people. Until you sit with someone and give them your vulnerability, the world around you can feel no more real than the tales that play out in the novel you are reading.

I tipped my toe into this new world of sharing just the other day. I had just re-met an old friend. In a split second, I felt oddly safe with this person. Part of me remembered this was a person of good character.

So, I shared the basics of a new, difficult situation that was happening in my life. Afterall, statistics tell us that we are likely not alone in what is happening to us.

As it happened, this person that life randomly put in my path was experiencing an incredibly similar situation. In that moment, we connected and hopefully lifted each other up in the knowledge that there is a community of support out there that we can tap into. As we discussed our now shared experience, others sat down and shared that they, too, were living this circumstance.

I went home that day feeling lighter. Nothing was solved, per se. But I suddenly knew that I was not alone.

We can learn so much from one another when we are authentic. Sharing our struggles with friends invites them to learn and grow alongside us. We never know who needs to hear our story, who may be suffering in silence because no one talks about such things. How many times have you shared something in your life and the person you’re speaking with expresses the same happenstance? Your story has the power to give hope and encouragement to others. Your vulnerability will give you both strength and wisdom.

Lesslee Dort is a board-certified patient advocate who firmly believes knowledge is power when it comes to being in control of one’s health. She spends her days at Friends Together helping others navigate their health care. Reach her at regardingthejourney@lesslee.com.