You know that pesky creature that sneaks into our minds and makes us question our worthiness and abilities? That is probably self-doubt mixed with a dash of imposter syndrome. Either is a tough nut to crack, but together they are a corrosive force. If you experience this, you are not alone. Even renowned writer and poet Maya Angelou struggled, “I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.”

I remember visiting a therapist some time ago. During the first session, she asked me to participate in an art therapy exercise. I’m sure many of you have heard of this tool or done it yourself. You are given a blank mask and asked to use the outwardly facing side to create a representation of the image you believe you are exposing to the world, how others see you. On the inside of the mask, you are asked to draw how you see yourself. The goal? To demonstrate any dichotomy between the self we believe we are and the self we believe others see.

Masks are effective in many situations. Some people wear them daily. Others put them on only when needed. Different situations require different parts of our personality and different levels of our skills. But problems develop if the two faces of the mask seldom match.

I found this exercise to be incredibly uncomfortable and, quite frankly, believed it was easy to manipulate. More to the point, it made me angry. The main problem with handing me this task was the timing. It was the first meeting. I felt like I was being asked to do all the work. I was there for mental health help. I played along, faking my participation in therapy. I never went back.

Here I was in an uncomfortable, vulnerable setting being asked to expose my deepest self. No rapport or trust had been established. Wasn’t I paying the therapist to figure out who I was under the exterior I was showing and then help me recognize it and function more wholly?

I’ve since read up on this exercise and how it’s used. It can be an incredibly effective tool and is used in a multitude of ways.

The beauty of activities like the one listed above is that there is no wrong way to do it — especially in the world of psychology. Everything is up for interpretation. Even years later I’ve drawn benefits from the exercise, albeit different than was likely anticipated.

Many, if not all of us, wear a mask from time to time. Especially when we’re about to embark on a new, uncomfortable, or important situation. When riddled with self-doubt or feeling like an imposter, don’t we all run home afterward and strip off our restrictive costumes for our comfy pants?

We seem to easily absorb the negative external messages we are receiving and allow ourselves to be influenced. We put demands on ourselves that are often far beyond what is genuinely expected. If we have difficulty setting boundaries, others with manipulative tendencies can push us to be submissive.

It is when we fully see our complexities and admit our struggles and weaknesses to ourselves that we can grow. People-pleasers, like me, must remember it isn’t our job to make everyone else’s life pretty or match their expectations. Don’t allow others’ judgments or proclamations to become yours without your permission.

None of us is perfect. Celebrate your imperfections. They make you unique and loveable. All of us have made mistakes, chosen unhealthy paths, turned in subpar work, and sat down, heavily weighted by the increasing demands of life. It is at these moments we need to be our own champions, not critics. Own your whole self.

Understand, we learn as we go. We add and subtract from ourselves daily. People around us are doing what they can with what they believe they have. If we look at the world negatively, it will be. But if we see the positives despite the challenges, we can work to overcome and distinguish the harmful influences. There are places in the world that are accepting. But until we each accept all our parts; we won’t be able to live in peace.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” — Maya Angelou

Lesslee Dort is a board-certified patient advocate who firmly believes knowledge is power when it comes to being in control of one’s health. She spends her days at Friends Together helping others navigate their health care. Reach Lesslee via email at lesslee@friendstogethermi.org. Read her here the third Thursday of each month.