Journal entry by Loretta Beyer — Feb. 13, 2021

There are many definitions of the word “family.”

When you think of the myriad combinations that could entail, it is amazing.

Being raised in a hostel in Africa, where I spent nine months out of every year in order to attend school, and then the other three at home with my parents in the bush, I would say that mine was not an entirely traditional setting.

When we did spend time at home together, it was always intentional, quality time. That is where we spent time playing games and eating popcorn.

My mom was the best and most faithful letter writer all her life, and, growing up, we were able to speak with them by short-wave radio once a week, as well. In college, I was only able to talk with them on the under-the-ocean phone line cable, which was full of static and echoes and was very expensive.

They loved me, and I am so grateful for all they did, particularly supporting me in the years of piano lessons and my musical endeavors.

Being part of the boarding school experience from age 6 and having had absolutely no say in that matter at all was very challenging on the whole — because of that, I found myself dealing with abandonment issues much of my life, and, naturally, finding fear to be my nemesis. My boarding school experience had its advantages, also, like instilling in me more self-confidence and social skills.

The other missionary kids at the hostel became very much a family for me that continued in later years through social media and the internet. Their parents became aunts and uncles to us, thereby fulfilling a crucial, mutual role in each of our social needs. I remember one of the missionary uncles coming to visit me when I first began attending college fresh out of Africa, and what a lifeline that was for me, and another who spoke at our wedding reception.

Once I was married and my parents were once again across the ocean, we “adopted” other grandmas. Mother’s Day was always difficult for me, because my own was seldom geographically present. “Friends are family you can choose” became my mantra! I would encourage any of you to reach out that way and find others to fill any gaps you may have in your family unit.

Becoming a grandma myself has brought a joy of its own. Even though we live in different cities, I am grateful to social media for allowing us to communicate regularly with my grandchildren by FaceTime. I’ve been able to read them stories, play games, teach Jaelie piano online, and swap stories and photos.

Our in-person visits to their home over the years have been a true treasure, and we always appreciated the incredible hospitality offered to us by them any time we went. Krystal and Jud do such an amazing job of parenting, and we are so proud of them and the beautiful family unit they are and work hard to maintain. Whenever we would go there, our son, Brad, would come and spend the weekend, where we spent quality time and made happy memories. We are so proud of him and all he does, too.

Church is another family setting that can pay huge dividends, as we are seeing right now with the incredible generosity of so many. The social group at the pool became a lovely source of support and community to me. My incredible international friends have been an invaluable part of my journey and continue to be so. Actually, anywhere people gather regularly, either physically or remotely, is an opportunity to foster a new unit of joy.

God Himself wanted family, which is why He created us, and gave us so many opportunities to become a part of a unique group where we can each reach out to one another and grow.

“Friendship isn’t a big thing, it is a million little things.”

— Anonymous

It can obviously be a source of great hurt when family units don’t function as they were meant to, for “wounded people wound people”.

I wish I could fix all of those situations, but I want you to know how grateful we are to all of you for “being part of our village” and creating the amazing support system we have today, without which we could not survive this stage of my life.

“Perfume and incense make the heart glad, but the sweetness of a friend (family) is a fragrant forest (Proverbs 27:9).”

This column is published posthumously with permission from the family. Missionary kid Loretta Beyer grew up in Zimbabwe. After graduating college in the U.S. with a degree in music and psychology, she joined her parents in Alpena, because of terrorist warfare in her African home. Over the last 40 years, she has made Alpena her place of ministry.