‘Feed me, Seymour, feed me!’

In the musical “Little Shop of Horrors,” Audrey II, the man-eating plant, sings, “You can do it! Feed me, Seymour, feed me all night long, ha ha ha ha ha! ‘Cause if you feed me, Seymour, I can grow up big and strong.”

Seymour obeys, and sure enough, the plant grows so big and strong that, in the end, it eats him (the movie had a wimpier ending).

Donald Trump’s ego, I figure, is the plant. After three years in the White House and all the attention that goes with it, his ego’s hunger for attention has become insatiable, and it seems to have swallowed the rest of him.

Why do I say that? Because, if you’re Trump, it makes no sense to piss off anyone in Michigan, which is what he spent much of last week doing. He needs Michigan in November. He won the state last time by just under 11,000 votes, and, because he won Michigan and Wisconsin, he won the White House.

This is Ground Zero for him. You would think he would do everything possible to ingratiate himself to Michigan voters, including growing himself a scraggly little Bob Seger tribute beard or declaring the Detroit Lions a federal disaster, making them eligible for emergency funding.

At the least, you would think he’d do the standard political thing of praising our auto industry, Motown, the Great Lakes, the Soo Locks, our coneys, pasties, shawarma etc.

But, no. Instead, he called our governor “the woman,” as in, “Mike (Pence), don’t call the woman in Michigan. You know what I say, if they don’t treat you right, I don’t call.”

Treat you right? Whoa, what is this, a date? That sound you hear is feminists and the men who love them all over the state bristling as one.

Trump has since said that he “loves” Michigan and, grudgingly, he finally approved our request for an emergency declaration, but, from his own words, it sure seemed like he’s been punishing the state for what he perceived as Whitmer’s impertinence. As she put it, “What I’ve gotten back is that vendors with whom we’ve procured contracts — they’re being told not to send stuff to Michigan. It’s really concerning.”

Yeah, it is! Granted, Whitmer is the worst of both worlds in Trump’s mind — a Democrat and a woman who dares to speak her mind. But it’s still astounding that Trump will think that Michiganians will think that his bruised ego is more important than medical supplies and assistance during a pandemic.

He didn’t stop there, of course. Next, he dissed another woman, GM CEO Mary Barra, in a tweet saying the company was both incompetent and trying to extort money out of the federal government: “As usual with ‘this’ General Motors, things just never seem to work out. They said they were going to give us 40,000 much needed Ventilators, ‘very quickly’. Now they are saying it will only be 6000, in late April, and they want top dollar. Always a mess with Mary B.”

GM is Michigan’s economic engine, employing 49,000, not to mention all the other businesses that supply it. What sense does it make to tick off the state’s biggest employer and, presumably, a lot of the people who work for it?

None, that I can see.

But, when Audrey wants to eat, Audrey will eat.

Buh-bye, Trump.


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