Donald Trump should have to meet with the 800,000 children and adults who face deportation when the DACA program ends and explain why he canceled it, but only after a dose of truth serum. I think it would go like this:

Immigrants: “Mr. President, why are you kicking us out of the country? We love America.”

Trump: “I’m not kicking you out.”

Immigrants: “You aren’t? That’s wonderful!”

Trump: “I’m just ending the program that lets you stay.”

Immigrants: “So you’re kicking us out.”

Trump: “No, I’m not.”

Immigrants: “But you just said …”

Trump: “I said I won’t kick you out, and I won’t. But Immigration Services will. That’s a little thing I like to call ‘semantics.’ Pretty neat, huh? I learned it from Bill Clinton.”

Immigrants: “But either way, we’re out, right?”

Trump: “Not necessarily. Congress could still pass a law letting you stay.”

Immigrants: “And what are the chances of that?”

Trump: “Less than zero. Possibly even lower. But look on the bright side.”

Immigrants: “Which is?”

Trump: “You’ll get a free plane ride home. Or a bus ticket. Or we’ll just have someone with a machine gun drop you at the border and say, ‘Go that way.’ We’re not sure yet. The details are kinda fuzzy.”

Immigrants: “Why do you want us gone so bad?”

Trump: “Well, for one, you’re the wrong color.”

Immigrants: “And what’s the right color?”

Trump: “Let’s just put it this way: We’re not going to be kicking out too many Canadians who snuck over the border. In fact, since I took office, we’ve sort of had the opposite problem.”

Immigrants: “Is our skin color the only reason?”

Trump: “Don’t be ridiculous. There’s also the fact that you’re all rapists, even the women and children, and possibly their pets.”

Immigrants: “That’s outrageous!”

Trump: “I know. That’s why we’re kicking you out.”

Immigrants: “Who told you that?”

Trump: “It was either Steve Bannon or that little voice in the back of my head. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.”

Immigrants: “But we’re not all rapists. The vast majority of us aren’t even criminals. There are all sorts of studies that say legal and illegal immigrants are, in fact, more law-abiding than native-born Americans, with lower crime and incarceration rates.”

Trump: “Well, then, it’s because you’re taking all our jobs and real Americans are starving because of it.”

Immigrants: “But that’s not true either. The unemployment rate is 4.3 percent. That’s basically full employment. Meaning everyone who wants a job can get a job. It’s true. We looked it up.”

Trump: “Well, then it’s gotta be Barack Obama’s fault. Everything is, you know, including the designated hitter rule and the heartbreak of psoriasis.”

Immigrants: “But President Obama created the Dreamers program.”

Trump: “Exactly, and I hate him. So there’s another reason. By the way, he was born in Kenya, you know.”

Immigrants: “No, he wasn’t. He was born in Hawaii.”

Trump: “Well, that’s a foreign country, too, so same diff.”

Immigrants: “You’re wrong. Hawaii is a state.”

Trump: “Of where?”

Immigrants: “Here!”

Trump: “Ha, good one. I suppose next you’re going to tell me Alaska’s a state, too.”

Immigrants: “It is a state!”

Trump: “Did they vote for me?”

Immigrants: “Yes.”

Trump: “Good, then they can stay. But the rest of you have to go.”

Immigrants: “But why. We’ve done nothing wrong.”

Trump: “Not true. You’ve done plenty wrong.”

Immigrants: “Like what?”

Trump: “Fine, since I seem to have no choice because of the truth serum, here’s the ultimate reason you can’t stay: because the people who voted for me don’t like you.”

Immigrants: “But why?”

Trump: “Because they need someone to blame for the erosion of the American dream and you’re an easy target. And because the prospect of America becoming a non-white majority nation scares the bejeezus out of them.”

Immigrants: “But America is supposed to be a melting pot. And what about the Statue of Liberty poem: ‘Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.’ Surely that must mean something.”

Trump: “I’m glad you reminded me of that.”

Immigrants: “Does that mean you will reconsider?”

Trump: “No, it means I gotta remember to have that changed so it reads ‘Give me your huddled masses with master’s and doctorate degrees.'”