Everyone knows the five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

All in that order. It didn’t seem like there were any cracks in that argument. I’ve always thought that grief would go exactly like that. I thought I would find that I would be in a certain stage at a certain time as if my emotions were on some sort of invisible timeline.

I think anyone who hadn’t really experienced grief for what it was would think like that. It’s what I was led to believe and it’s what I believed.

I guess I had to really experience grief to know what it was really like.

I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that grief isn’t linear. The stages don’t follow your daily schedule and they don’t care what time of day it is or what you have to do in your daily life.

Some days are fine and you’re experiencing one stage the whole day. You could be blissfully in denial all day or all week until it really hits you at three in the morning when you’re supposed to be sleeping.

You could experience all the stages in one day. Starting the morning with denial and coming to the painful realization and acceptance that that person is really gone from your life.

Holidays and family events are the worst. Though everything may seem cheerful and happy, there’s always that feeling in the back of your mind that there’s someone missing. And there is. And you can’t get it out of your mind no matter how hard you try. The holiday wasn’t as it was before without that person there and it’s a feeling you could cut with a knife.

It’s something no one wants to talk about, but everyone is thinking about it. In moments of privacy, tears fall and soft screams escape your shaking body as you realize. You don’t want to show anyone that you’re crying to not ruin the mood of the event.

You always have to remind yourself that no, that person isn’t going to be at that wedding and no, they won’t be at Christmas this year. They won’t be around for their birthday or any other event in the future.

I’d always thought of grief as a wound. At first, it’s wide open in all of its gory details and front and center for the world to see.

As you put the stitches in and it begins healing, something or someone reminds you of what you’ve lost and it feels like the stitches are being ripped out one by one. The wound begins to bleed again. It’s an endless cycle, and in the first year, it’s the most painful and terrible experience in the world.

No one talks about the flashbacks to the funeral or burial and no one talks about other mental health issues that come along with it. The illusions begin as you see things out of the corner of your eye, such as a shadow or the image of a figure standing off to the side. Something moves off your bed or around on your dresser and you hope that maybe they’re still watching over you.

The images of the first time you hear about the death will be forever ingrained in your mind. The sinking feeling in your stomach and the nausea that takes over once the shock sets in.

No one ever tells you about these things. No one prepares you for what grief is actually like, but then again, how could you? How do you prepare for the unexpected?

It’s something no one wants to prepare for, but we all have to at some point.

It’s painful, but it’s something we have to deal with, whether it’s a grandparent or someone else in the family.

So if anyone tells you about those stages, remind yourself that your grief doesn’t follow a plan or a schedule. Reach out to someone if the pain becomes too much.

Alyssa Ochss is the page designer at The Alpena News. She graduated from Oakland University and loves pop culture and all things nerd. You can reach her at aochss@thealpenanews.com.