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In Bill Watterson's great comic strip Calvin and Hobbes, Calvin, 6, is horrified when informed that he kissed a girl before bed last night. After a moment he makes an exception to the rules of his G.R.O.S.S. club (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS). "Smooching is optional if it's your mom" he says.
I'll get back to kissing in a minute, but my last column in this space listed many of the "One Anothers" in the New Testament scriptures. There are plenty covering aspects of life together like, "Show hospitality to one another without grumbling" (1 Peter 4:9) and "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32) and "Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices" (Colossians 3:9).
But mostly they are urging us to actually love one another. Over a dozen times. Like, "For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another" (1 John 3:11). We may think this is obvious, but why did this need to be said, to be repeated and emphasized so strongly? Because we need to hear it.
These one anothers go into detail about how we are to orient ourselves to create strong relationships.
Strong relationships are essential for the health of the group as well as the health of the individual. Individually we flourish in healthy familial groups sometimes called "community" although the word community has been ironically abused into dust in recent years as it is being used for ever smaller and more exclusive types of people. I'm a proud member of the balding men who have two remaining wisdom teeth and have never read or watched anything about Harry Potter community. There's a reason the GROSS club has only two members, and even that's debatable.
But anyway, we mature in healthy community. Joy is relational. We find it in one another's faces, faces that are glad to see us, glad to be with us. And joy is the fuel we need to live productive, contented lives as confirmed by the last 30 years of brain science.
We are tempted to just stay home, maybe look for fake community scrolling on the phone. Entertainment is easier than messy relationships. Forgiveness is hard. Pursuing face to face honesty and vulnerability while accepting the differences in others is difficult work for those of us steeped in our individualistic culture.
There are a few of these one another verses that I did not include last time. The Apostle Paul, whose writings make up the majority of the New Testament, urges four different times to do something: Kiss one another. "Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ greet you" (Romans 16:16). It's not a sexual or romantic kiss, and although a bit socially awkward in our culture today (less so among close family members), there are places around the world where this is more common.
In the ancient Roman or Hellenistic culture, a kiss was a common greeting, especially among people of equal status. It communicated friendship and kinship. A kiss on the cheek or forehead meant a certain level of affection but was always linked to social status.
Back to Calvin who with his stuffed tiger, Hobbes, is sitting in their tree fort with paper hats and play swords out and ready. Calvin says, "Keep a sharp lookout, Matey. We don't want any girls on our ship!" Hobbes says, "We don't like girls?" Calvin returns, "Of course not, dummy. We're a bunch of
murderous pirates, remember?" And then Hobbes, looking confused, says, "Well, who do we smooch then?"
Good question, Hobbes. There was a big difference between the "holy kiss" of the early church and the prevailing culture. The world in which Christianity was birthed was deeply saturated in caste, race, gender, and political prejudices that touched every level of society, and a kiss was reserved for equals.
In great contrast to the prevailing expectations of the time, Paul adamantly rejected all that. "So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith... There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:38). He gets specific about ways to love one another regardless of status. "Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with another, live in peace. Greet one another with a holy kiss" (2 Corinthians 13:11-12).
In a website called "Bible Study Tools," Britt Mooney says, "in 1 Thessalonians 5:26, Paul simply says, 'Greet all the brothers with a holy kiss.' This comes after some practical instructions for Christian living in spiritual community. Paul encourages the local church to encourage the downcast, help the weak, and be patient with each other. The holy kiss once more symbolizes the acceptance of every member of the faith family regardless of status.
"So for Paul, a Jew and educated Pharisee, to continually urge believers to greet each other with a holy kiss would have been a sign of family, loyalty, equality, and close kinship between people of different ethnicities and classes, even slaves and masters." (The Bible never calls slavery a good thing, but it speaks to all people regardless of their place in life.)
For us today, it's not about kissing of course. It's about unity despite our differences, acceptance and love regardless of socioeconomic status, political inclinations, race, traditions, personal desires. Theoretically, we all want maturity. Yet we don't get that without the hard work of sacrificing self for the good of others. And that requires leaving the isolation our culture is increasingly pushing us toward.
We need one another. Because, as Calvin said, "You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help."