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Have you ever been mentally exhausted by angry people around you? I have and I've decided that their anger has motivated me to speak out about it. These people can drain us, demean us, and distract us from healthy relationships. In an instant they can ruin family gatherings, assault friendships, and make us question our sanity at times! Anger has touched my life in more ways than I care to count. The utter despair I've felt from other people's destructive anger has led me to seek guidance and wisdom on how to deal with them. For years I thought that because they're family or coworkers, I just have to put up with it. This sorely incorrect belief caused extreme mental and emotional anguish within myself. But then I stumbled upon a book about this very subject. This amazing, must-read book is titled When to Walk Away: Finding freedom from toxic people by Gary Thomas. If you have been suffering with similar despair, get this book! Gary helps his readers understand that even our Savior Jesus Christ walked away from toxic relationships. God does not expect us nor want us to be continually verbally, physically, emotionally, or mentally assaulted. Anger is a human emotion that God gave us, just like happiness, sadness, and so forth. But anger can be downright lethal when it is not expressed in a healthy manner.
In my quest to understand anger I found that the book of Proverbs has a plethora of scripture with the answers I was looking for. Proverbs 29:11 says, "Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end." Name calling, temper tantrums, verbal annihilation, destruction of property, and physical assault are all forms of rage. I most certainly have never had much, if any, respect for a person who has displayed such atrocious outbursts. How about you, do you respect people who hurt people? I find myself gravitating toward people who build others up, even in anger. I know what you're thinking...people can be angry yet respectful and approachable? Proverbs 15:1-2 states, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly." As I reflect on this verse and my own interactions with angry people, responding calmly to someone else's anger rarely makes a situation any worse. In fact, respectful responses generally help defuse such circumstances. Not to mention, an apology or putting your "foot in your mouth" after responding calmly isn't a necessity. And how about Proverbs 12:16, "Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult." Let's be honest, it is difficult to "turn the other cheek" or let harsh words roll off your back. But, in the end, matching insult with insult is utterly useless and solves nothing. James 1:20 solidifies this with simply stating, "human anger does not produce the righteousness of God." God views uncontrollable and careless anger as foolish. I don't know about you, but I sure don't want to be revered as a fool, especially in God's eyes.
God gives His followers strict instruction in dealing with angry people because he knows the danger that can arise from it. He tells us (Prov. 22:24-25), "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared." Have you ever noticed how quickly anger spreads? Almost as quick as the Canadian wildfires! God urges us to, "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of
fools suffers harm" (Proverbs 13:20). He tells us not to hang out with fools for good reasons. He warns in Proverbs 14:7, "Stay away from a fool, for you will not find knowledge on their lips." Next time you encounter a "fool in full vent" pay attention to his or her words. I'm certain that whatever comes from their mouths will likely be unkind and hurtful, certainly nothing of value. God says, "bad company corrupts good character" (1 Corinthians 15:33) and He is clear about the description of who bad company is.
That doesn't mean we can't be angry; God gave us that emotion. In fact, He tells us, "Be angry and sin not" in Ephesians 4:26. But righteous anger looks much different than sinful anger. What are we doing with our anger? How are we treating people or things in our anger? What are our words saying or actions doing in our anger? If we are hurting others emotionally, physically, or verbally in our anger, then it's sinful and destructive. The most important thing is HOW we're being angry and WHAT we're saying or doing. Righteous anger is quite simply the opposite of sinful anger. We are each responsible for our own actions and reactions. God wants us to confront our anger, recognize what we're angry about, and resolve it before we allow it to fester into sinful behavior. Anger can be a good emotion; many times, we see positive social change because of healthy anger. Consider how humane societies or human trafficking task forces came into existence; someone was angry and put a positive thing into action. They acknowledged their anger, why it angered them, and did something to resolve it.
In my own life, even within this past month, I have struggled with other people's anger and quite frankly, I'm fed up with it. I know I'm not alone. We have enough negativity in our society; we don't need the rage on top of it. Let's encourage each other to express our anger without destroying one another. People hide behind screens of their phones or laptops and dehumanize others which makes it easier to mistreat each other. So here I am confronting my anger, recognizing what I'm angry about, and resolving it through one of my most therapeutic outlets...writing.