Dort

If there were a single task that could do all the following, would you do it? (1) cultivate deeper emotional connections, (2) improve cognitive and mental health, (3) increase mindfulness, (4) reduce screen fatigue, (5) lower anxiety, (6) stimulate memory retention, and (7) create tangible memories to revisit and share

My husband and I married 40 years ago. Times were different. Long-distance phone calls were very expensive. So expensive that some families only made these types of calls in case of extreme emergencies. Cell phones were just beginning to be developed, and if you wanted one, they were about $4,000 each with very limited, unreliable coverage. Common computer usage was only for large corporations. Social media was still about 20 years away from being introduced. A postage stamp cost $0.22.

For three months prior to our wedding, we lived on opposite sides of the state. We kept in touch with consistent letter writing. At least once a week we would each receive a letter from the other. Ever since that summer, I have long believed couples should engage in a letter writing exercise prior to choosing to spend their lives together.

Something amazing happens when you write a thoughtful letter. And something equally amazing occurs when you receive a handwritten letter. Keep in mind, these are not the family holiday update letters often received around Christmas. These documents contain both the mundane day-to-day routine and the unexpected experiences and encounters. Yet, each time you receive and read a letter, you are being gifted an intimate look inside another person. Yes, even if it is simply about their workday or what they ate for breakfast. It is an ever-building thread that connects you. There is something uniquely romantic that occurs. Often that feeling continues to build throughout the relationship, in part, because of the stronger foundation built from the regular exchange of letters. I encourage you to begin writing letters, regularly. You can even start small, with a note card, for example, for less intimidation. Write a long-lost friend or family member. Write to a person you love. Write to your partner, regardless of your living situation. It could deepen your relationship and strengthen your bond.

Writing a letter versus an email provides a richer experience for both the letter writer and the receiver. When we write an email, we’re often trying to transfer information. We type quickly, hit send, and move on to the next task. The recipient scans the message, responds if necessary, and then watches it disappear into an inbox crowded with hundreds of others. The exchange is efficient, but often forgettable.

A handwritten letter creates a wholly different experience for both people. The writer slows down long enough to reflect, choosing words with greater care because the process itself requires time and attention. The recipient doesn’t simply receive information; they receive evidence that someone devoted uninterrupted time to them. The letter becomes more than a message; it becomes a gift. Put another way, a text message says, “I need to tell you something.” A letter says, “I set aside time just for you.”

Emily Dickinson once wrote, “A letter always seemed to me like immortality.” At first glance, that seems like an exaggeration. But, as someone who recently reread the letters my Dad, who was stationed in Korea, mailed home to his Mom, I can tell you that anyone who has held a letter written by a loved one who is no longer here understands exactly what Dickinson meant. The paper survives. The handwriting survives. And somehow, for a few moments, the person does too.

When was the last time you wrote a full-length letter? Did you mail it? If you mailed it, did you receive one back? How did it all feel?

I’ve long considered this column my letter to you. My way of writing things down in order to understand myself and the world a little better. To share my experiences, to connect and communicate with fellow travelers on this journey through life. And for the past several years, I’ve been grateful for this outlet.

The best part might just be when you write back.

I don’t know about other writers, but I find value, respect, and kindred spirits in those notes sent in response to a column’s subject. A simple letter can begin a conversation. A conversation can become a friendship. And friendships, after all, are built one shared thought at a time.

So perhaps Emily Dickinson was right when she described a letter as a form of immortality. Long after the writer is gone, the words remain. Long after a moment has passed, the connection endures.

Maybe that’s reason enough to buy a stamp.