The phone rang five to six times a day for three days from assorted strange-looking numbers.

Always aware of scams and possessing an “unusual,” demented sense of humor, I would answer each one, sounding like a decrepit “old lady.”

The voice on the other end was clearly from somewhere in the vicinity of India. John, Joe, or Thomas was calling for Dish Network.

“The old lady” would respond with: “What language are you speaking? I cannot understand you! You are scaring me! My son told me to hang up! You made me soil my DEPENDS!” and a whole lot more until they got frustrated and hung up.

Hey, I am retired and have time on my hands and little patience for sales pitches!

Well, no one can be home all of the time, and, while I was out, “Jack Jones” from “Dish Network” called and my wife answered. In a Hyderabadi accent, “Jack” patiently explained to my wife that Dish had merged and there was a mandated software update that must be installed if we are to continue to receive local channels and most premium channels.

He asked her to hit a few buttons on the remote that displayed technical information but did nothing, then told her the update was almost complete. All he needed now was her credit card information so Dish could charge us the $149.99 the update cost each customer and MUST be paid within 24 hours or the update would fail and our service would suffer.

Not to worry was the quote. We would receive a $15 per month credit on our bill for 36 months, effectively giving us a profit.

Knowing I watch many different current events and political programs during this election season, she did not want that interrupted, so she gave “Jack Jones” her debit card numbers. He thanked her for being a “loyal Dish customer” and she hung up.

Luckily, my wife made notes of all that and recorded his phone number.

Since I was not home, “they almost got away with it,” as the TV show would say.

But we have a service contract with Dish and that covers all updates, including hardware AND software. We should not be charged for anything.

I called back — livid — and started in on “Jack Jones” about the service contract, the price, his accent, that “Jack Jones” could not be his name, and more, adamant that I was not going to pay anything and, if there was a charge, I would dispute it and have it removed.

He offered to reduce the charge to $99.99 as a courtesy. I refused and became more belligerent.

It finally hit me that this was a scam, so I tested him with a few sentences that contained “the ‘F’ word.” Telemarketers are instructed to disconnect if the customer gets vulgar, and I went beyond that.

“Jack” did not hang up, so I baited him for a few more minutes until HE hung up.

I immediately phoned Dish Network, and, after the usual 33-minute wait for a human, recounted the experience to the representative. Of course it was not Dish and was a scam, as suspected.

I gave them all the information, including the phone number, and was reassured that our service was not affected in any way.

My wife had given her debit card number, which would make recovering any money far more difficult than a credit card. So, first, I went online to the bank and moved all the money in our checking account out of it. I then phoned and canceled that card and put a 48-hour hold on the use of MY debit card, just in case.

Once that was done, I moved money back into the account.

That would have been a difficult scam to detect for anyone. But, for senior citizens, particularly those who are starting to “decline” a bit, it was 100% believable.

I tend to be pretty sharp and it took me a few minutes to realize it. And I was in sales — including CAR sales — for decades!

The “red flags” in that operation were these:

∫ Dish never asks for payments for necessary upgrades, unless you are upgrading services.

∫ “Jack” said there was a mandate that the fee must be paid within 24 hours.

∫ They asked for a credit card, despite having one on file to autopay our bill.

∫ We have a service contract to cover any software or hardware changes.

∫ He allowed me to curse like a longshoreman and did not disconnect

Sophisticated scams are coming out of India regularly now. They are getting harder and harder to detect for anyone. Being a senior citizen now and watching the decline in observational skills among my peers makes me far more angry about exploiting those folks than it used to.

However, exploiting anyone — ANYONE — is despicable!

We all know the drill on how to not be scammed. But, as much as we do and know, THEY are evolving their tactics to stay ahead of us.

There was a data breach at Dish Network that affected up to TEN MILLION customers! But that was in February of 2023! They waited over NINETEEN MONTHS to strike. By that time, we all forgot there had been a breach, so the fact that these “people” had our information was not a red flag unto itself.

But here is the one thing that will ALMOST guarantee you are never scammed: DO NOT EVER GIVE OUT YOUR CREDIT CARD INFORMATION ON AN INCOMING CALL … NEVER!

Not only should buyers beware, they should be angry, contact law enforcement, and, if possible, do what I am doing here: Let as many people know of a new scam whenever you hear of one!

Addendum:

A recent CNN report reminds or informs us of another, more insidious way people are being talked out of their money:

We all get texts and emails from our political candidates asking for another donation … OFTEN.

If you are like us, we just delete them and go on with our day.

However, many senior citizens who are “cognitively impaired” in any way are giving their life savings in some cases, because they feel they have to donate every time they receive a request or forgot they just donated. One person was getting requests every three minutes!

While not a scam, per se, it is an unintentionally immoral way to solicit donations and needs to be reined in. However, as no laws are being broken, it falls to those of us who have family or friends that could unintentionally donate more than they intended and more than they can afford.

I would urge every reader who knows an elderly person, whether cognitively impaired or not, to check with them to see how they are responding to those incessant donation requests, just to be sure that they are not inadvertently over-donating.

Robert Earl is a jack-of-all-trades with very diverse work experiences from the Canadian Northwest Territories to the Everglades to the Chihuahuan desert, mostly as a truck driver. His hobbies are home construction and renovation, winemaking, and writing, particularly writing about things that are irritating to us all. He and his wife have retired here in Alpena. Reach him at Robert@singingturkeys com.