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"You can't know what you don't know," I recently heard myself say to a friend who was diagnosed with cancer. He looked at me in the strangest way. I wasn't sure if I had spinach in my teeth or if he was simply processing that simplistic, true statement. We truly can't know what we don't know. We haven't learned it yet. And that's perfectly okay, we can learn it if we want.
I often compare a sudden entrance into the world of oncology care to visiting a foreign country without first learning the language. In both instances, you will learn. Being immersed in a situation has a way of rubbing off on a person. It happens naturally, over time. But when it is a health condition, we want and need clarity faster.
When you hear you have cancer, your brain somehow instantly closes to any new information. Your ears suddenly stop hearing sounds. Your world slows down just before it starts spinning faster. Even your emotions can't keep up. By the time you've balanced out and slowed down, you may find yourself already in treatment, unsure of when you decided to follow any specific course of action. It's OK. Don't panic.
There are ways to combat this phenomenon. Advocacy and support are two powerful tools.
First, try not to think you know about cancer. If you are the average person, you may have an idea about what will happen, but this is likely based on a friend or two who've told you about their experience. Their experience, however, is not yours. Yours will be unique to you. We must live through things to truly understand them. You can do this.
Convince yourself you have power. You do! You must manage all your needs: emotional, spiritual, physical, social, intellectual, and mental health. If all your parts work in unison, you will make it through this journey with peace.
I've had the honor to walk with many on the path of cancer. One survivor has been coming to mind lately. We'll call her Daisy. Daisy was in touch with all aspects of her journey. She had even gotten to a point where she considered her cancer her teacher. She was open to the lessons of this part of life. That openness gave her a peace I had not witnessed before.
Daisy was a fighter from birth. A stronger person I've not met. Yet she was able to turn her cancer battle into a beautiful lesson for herself and those around her who were open to receiving it.
Daisy asked questions of her health care team to better understand why they made the choices they did when it came to her treatment. When she didn't know terms, she pulled out her notepad and asked doctors to spell words and define them so she could understand. If she didn't have a support person in the exam room with her, she asked the doctor if she could record the information so she could listen later and absorb it. She understood they knew more about the medicine of cancer than she did. So, she learned, and she became a partner in her care. Understanding what is happening with us is one of the best first steps to being a part of making it better.
Once Daisy understood the basic medicine of cancer treatment, she brought all her other pieces and parts in line. She made sure her diet worked for her instead of making her body work harder. Daisy sought out support from others, she didn't let pride get in the way. She became a loved member of more than one support group. Each group fed a different piece of her. She used journaling to decipher and make sense of her feelings. She took care of negative thoughts and behaviors as soon as she could. Daisy did this so that each day of her life could be its best.
Daisy's cancer journey didn't always go smoothly. She took the detours of her life in stride. That's not to say she didn't get angry. She did, and with good reason. But she positively channeled her anger. She didn't lash out or blame. She talked it out, sometimes with her cat, sometimes in group. Inevitably, there was reconciliation and acceptance. With acceptance came forward movement.
There will always be tough days. No one life is perfectly smooth all the time. We all face challenges. But we must keep in mind that we are powerful, worthy people. We each have great gifts to share. When faced with something like cancer that impacts practically all parts of our life, seek support. Support comes in many forms: therapy, social work, trusted friends, and organized support groups are just a few. All these methods of support can help hold you up, keep your confidence, and allow you the space to make the journey your own.
Daisy knew this. She shared her gifts with us and we, in turn, shared ours. Be strong like Daisy. Seek support.
Lesslee Dort is a board-certified patient advocate who firmly believes knowledge is power when it comes to being in control of one's health. She spends her days at Friends Together helping others navigate their health care. Reach Lesslee via email at lesslee@friendstogethermi.org. Read her here the third Thursday of each month.