Darby Hinkley

Well, school’s out. And today is my son’s 14th birthday. One year down, six to go of the teen years.

Honestly, I like being around teens. They’re funny and smart, and usually at a higher maturity level than mine, which plateaued at about age 11.

Some may roll their eyes when they see a group of teen boys skateboarding down the sidewalk, but I perk up and see if one of them is my son. Don’t tell him I’m spying on him!

Teens are just young adults. They’re human, and they deserve to be treated with respect. Of course, they deserve consequences if they are not respecting authority, or if they are blatantly disobeying rules.

As a parent of a teenager, I have my moments, good and bad. I yell, he yells, we all yell … then we apologize and hug. It’s dramatic. It’s frustrating. And it’s exactly the same for him.

Young teens are in that delicate part of life in which they crave independence, but they still need guidance. They hate that. They want to be able to do everything on their own, but they still need help. In many ways, they are becoming adults, and, well, adulting is hard.

We, as parents, need to support our teens, mentally and emotionally. We need to tell them, and even show them, it’s OK to cry. It’s OK to laugh after crying, and it’s always OK to say “I’m sorry.”

We need to listen. That includes “eating a nice cold shutupsicle” as Kevin James would put it. We parents think we need to talk, talk, talk, when, really, we just need to “shutty uppy” and listen. (Thanks for the help with my already mature vocabulary, Kevin James.) Even if what we are listening to is silence, it could precede some wise words from these young adults.

One of the best places to have a heartfelt conversation with your teen is in the car. When you’re both facing forward with no eye contact, for some reason they tell you things they probably wouldn’t otherwise. Such as, maybe even, “Love you.”

My son has told me I’m embarrassing when I’m just being my chatty self with his friends or even a stranger at the grocery store. I suppose my very existence is embarrassing to him, and I’m sure all parents of teens have experienced that phenomenon.

I take it as a challenge, though. Like, “You think THAT was embarrassing? I’ll show you embarrassing!”

I could start posting TikTok videos of myself dressed as Peppa Pig talking in a British accent. I have way too active an imagination for my own good. Of course, I don’t even really know what TikTok is, so I won’t be doing that. You’re welcome, internet.

I think sometimes parents need to do some homework over the summer, too. Your assignment, parents of teens, is to listen, learn, and love. They need it, even though they won’t admit it. Your support is essential to their intrinsic growth, and you might just be pleasantly surprised with the wise little human living inside that awkward body.

If you don’t have a teen for a child, grandchild, niece or nephew, try to remember that even though they might come off as troublemakers, they are just looking for something fun to do. They may or may not include goofing off, but chillax if that goofing off is just buying a half-gallon of milk and chugging it in front of their friends. Yes, it might be stupid, but it’s funny to them, and it’s not hurting anyone. Well, unless the teen ingesting it is lactose intolerant. Then you might have a Will Ferrell moment and shout, “Milk was a bad choice!”

Even though I’m the most embarrassing, dorkiest, loserist mom on the planet, I’m still going to wish my son a happy birthday.

May you walk your own path, even if you have to use a machete to get through the woods. May you choose kindness over hate every moment of every day. May you mature into a much cooler adult than I could ever hope to be.

Darby Hinkley is a soccer mom with a lime green kayak on the roof of her SUV. Yes, she wants you to know she’s sporty. She enjoys making people laugh, as well as working hard. She was born and raised in Alpena, and loves living in this community full of interesting, creative, motivated people.