Come Heller high water …

Matt Lauer? Garrison Keillor? Jeez, who’s next — Tom Hanks? Tom Brokaw? Bernie Sanders? Homer Simpson? Mr. Rogers? Prince Harry? Bill Nye the Science Guy? Capt. Kangaroo? Santa Claus? I mean, come on, aren’t we at the point where it would be more efficient to just have the celebrities who haven’t sexually harassed a woman step forward? I’ve said it many times before but I don’t get what women see in my gender. I really don’t.

What was that old expression about creepy old guys having Roman hands and Russian fingers? Maybe we need a Roman Hands Russian Fingers Hall of Shame.

This week in “Oh Jeez, What Did He Do Now?” we have the Trumpster posting links to anti-Muslim snuff films. My. God. Every week I think he can’t go farther beyond the pale, and every week — almost every day now — I’m proven wrong. (A snuff film, btw, is a film where someone is actually murdered. Yes, he did that. Our president. Aren’t we proud.)

First runner-up this week was Trump calling Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas” during his tribute to Navajo wind talkers. I didn’t think it was nearly as racist as it was disappointing and inappropriate, in that it took the focus off them and put it on him). It was also witless. That’s the thing with Trump — he seems to think he’s hysterically funny, but he’s not. He’s just mean, small and endlessly self-reverential. I suspect he never developed a true sense of humor because underlings and servants always laughed at whatever dumb stuff he said. Sucking up never helps anyone.

How about we try trickle up economics for a change instead of trickle down? In trickle up economics, Congress gives regular Americans earning less than 100K a real tax cut and we spend it if we feel like it, thereby benefiting business owners. That’s a heckuva lot more likely to happen than rich people creating jobs just because they get a huge tax break. That’s fairy tale stuff there.

Huh, whattya know, Seinfeld was right about the second button making or breaking the shirt. I have a new shirt where the second button is a skosh too high, so even if the top button is unbuttoned I feel like I’m being strangled. But if I unbutton the second button, I’m flashing chest hair like a ’70s rock star.

You know it was a cold November when a 40 degree day seems balmy.

I was never a fan anyway, but Black Friday has lost all meaning. Now the sales are all in the vicinity of Black Friday. Soon they’ll just be plain old “sales,” which usually aren’t sales in the first place. A sale usually means no one wants the stuff or it was too pricey to begin with

I did see a few TV news clips where shoppers in big cities stampeded through the door for a Black Friday sale. It was pretty ugly. Not sure I’d want to know any of those people. It’s just stuff, folks. If the store runs out, guess what, they’ll get more.

OK, open question for you football experts. Why is it a touchdown the second a football “breaks the plane” of the goal line without the ball ever touching the ground but it’s not when a receiver catches the ball in the end zone then loses control after he lands? That makes no sense.

The University of Michigan and Michigan State University are tying themselves in a knot over whether to let a white supremacist speak on campus. Why? Just let the nitwit speak. That’s how people learn what nitwits sound like.

Dammit, the Detroit Pistons are finally good after a decade of being bad but I can’t seem to generate any interest in them or the NBA, and I’m not sure why. Is it just me or are others feeling the same way?

Does anyone else think it’s a shame for cities to chop down these huge, vibrant trees for the town square, the state capital and the White House?

Has the expression “jumped the shark” jumped the shark?

“People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson.