We have a problem — two problems actually. I hesitate to raise either but facts are facts and if I don’t bring these matters to your attention they could slip by.

My concerns are based on a “Ted Talk.” Unfortunately the problems discussed, as they relate to us, are the product of well meaning efforts made on our behalf. Well meaning efforts by well meaning people that, I suspect, were gratuitously extended.

Hard stuff to criticize.

I made inquiries at both the city and the county trying to determine who these good people were but no one seemed to know. The operative events happened some time ago and the names are lost or not easily recalled. Which is a relief actually. It’s easier criticizing something someone else did if you don’t have to look them in the eye.

I’m referring to those good people who designed the flags of our city and county. Let’s take a look at them, the flags that is.

First consider the flag of Alpena County, it’s our county’s seal on a field of white. Next, envision the flag of the City of Alpena. Do you have both flags clearly in your mind?

Of course you don’t.

That’s the problem, no one does. I’ll bet you didn’t know the county and the city had flags let alone what they looked like.

Why is it you fail to envision this important information? Because, I submit, our flags don’t follow the Rules of Flags. Here’s the rules:

Keep it simple. A child should be able to draw it from memory.

Use meaningful symbolism.

Use two or three colors from the basic color set: red, blue, green, yellow, white, and black.

No lettering or seals should be used. In fact, no writing of any kind. If the flag has to use a name, its symbolism has failed.

Be distinctive or related to something that is.

How did our flags do? They flunked.

In the case of both the city and the county too many colors are used. The city uses seven, the county six — one is brown. Neither flag uses symbols. Rather, drawings of things our forefathers used are incorporated — trees, cabins, boats, etc. — things that could relate to literally hundreds of treed communities whose forefathers lived in cabins and used boats.

The county’s flag is a flagrant violation of rule four.

Neither is simple — a child would have difficulty drawing either from memory. Both flags have names on them — they need to — otherwise you would have no idea what they represented.

“So what?” Don’t city and county officials have more important things to do than recreate flags?

Well, maybe, but then, maybe not.

Think how much money major corporations spend promoting the symbolism of their logos and trademarks. Why do they do that?

Because it pays. This applies as well to a city and county wishing to market itself and its people.

Let’s look at a couple good flags. Our nation’s flag is a fine example. Only three colors, great symbolism, relatively easy to remember — a well designed, effective flag.

But Canada’s flag may be the design champ.

It’s symbolism is simple and meaningful, a big maple leaf. It uses only two colors: red and white. A kid has no problem drawing it from memory, even adults can. The flag is distinctive and has no writing, latin or otherwise. It’s clean, simple, recognizable, and highly symbolic in a distinctive way — a great flag.

The city of Chicago has a fine flag.

To create a distinctive common symbol of unification that could be displayed with pride throughout our community in recognition of what is uniquely ours would be a good and valuable thing.

But first, we have to follow the Rules of Flags.

Doug Pugh’s Vignettes run bi-weekly on Tuesdays. He can be reached via email at pughda@gmail.com.