Jean Kowalski

Wanting independence for our children is a dream that every parent has before children are even born. We dream of enjoying their successes and being involved in the creation of their own family and career. However, circumstances and situations arise and the structure of your child’s advancement to becoming independent may take many pathways.

It is the parents job to be ready and available to assist. Assisting does not mean hand holding and making sure they never fail. Assisting means that you help them develop the path that leads them to a happy successful life. To do this, it is important for parents and families to be involved and aware of how their child’s education and advancement are going. It is vital that we not sit it out and wait for the other shoe to drop or wait until a situation arises that causes deficits and hard times for

your child.

What does seem to work, though?

Is a simple idea more families are starting to lean on, trust your child, but still stay connected and be ready to adjust when things aren’t going well?

Middle and high school years are definitely stressful for students and families. We want to expect more from them. We want to use these years as practice for the entry into adulthood. The urge to tell these teenagers they just need to handle it seems to be what is required for growth. However, truthfully, this action can do more harm than good for a student’s success and achievements. It also isn’t the best path to hover.

So what can parents do?

Kids need to know that you feel they are capable of taking charge of their learning. The confidence that they feel is a direct reflection on how you show them that you believe they can do it. Trust can go a long way. Ownership of their learning and confidence that they can be responsible is required for students to develop and grow.

But trust doesn’t mean disengaging.

Students still need perimeters. They still need assistance in keeping their affairs in order. That’s why verifying is important. The goal is not to catch them doing something wrong. It is to stay in tune and be engaged.

Some parents check the online gradebook once a week. Others have a quick Sunday night conversation about what’s coming up. It doesn’t have to be complicated. A simple, “Hey, how are things going this week?” can start the conversation. It helps to ask questions that actually invite a conversation. Things like, “What’s been the hardest class lately?” or “Do you feel ready for that test?” can lead to more honest answers.

Checking in with your child should be a routine that you establish at least once a week. After your child understands that you will be asking, they in turn, will start to reflect on their week themselves. Helping them talk through their assignments and events that occurred that week can develop a closer trusting relationship.

Keep in mind that your goal is to listen and help adjust as needed to assist your child in making goals and good choices.

Adjustments can support all students, recognizing that each one is unique and may need

different forms of assistance. If your child is doing well and is able to keep up with assignments and schedules then your inquiry on how the week is going and praise for a job well done is in order.

On the other hand, if your child is missing assignments and has slipping grades, then you will need to help set up a schedule that has a consistent homework time and also provide support during these sessions. You will also need to check in with them more often and start a line of communication with the teacher.

Staying connected to the school matters especially as kids get older. Paying attention is

important. Knowing what’s expected, reading school updates, and showing up when it counts, like conferences or other school events. It lets your child know that you feel that school is important and that you are interested in their learning.

Always remember to trust, but verify; adjust and assist your child when needed. It’s more of a mindset. One that gives kids room to grow while making sure they’re not growing alone