Jackie Krawczak

The value of each of the following is rooted in research. I can also personally attest to the positive impact of adjusting my own behaviors and thoughts to better align with the following.

First on my list is the importance of self-awareness. Developing a realistic view of ourselves is key to healthy relationships and personal happiness. Statistics show that while most of us believe we are accurate in our self-awareness, the reality is that a very small percentage of us are. It is something that needs practice and vulnerability to achieve and can be quite difficult for many because it requires that we become raw and honest with ourselves.

Next on the list is the way that we engage in conflict. Conflict and difficult situations are inevitable. What is important is the way we handle these situations. There are a few things that should never happen during conflict, whether the conflict is in personal or professional relationships. We should never resort to personal attacks (beltlining), we should not store up grievances only to air them later, all at once (gunnysacking), and we should not bring up old wounds that we claim were resolved.

We should never withhold information from someone out of malicious intent or the desire to have power or influence over them. If we are withholding information that someone else should have because we want to be able to say, “oh I’ve known about that for weeks now,” then we are simply looking to gain power or appear to be better or more important than others. It’s not healthy. It happens too frequently, in the workplace especially, and does nothing but create hostility and erode trust.

Telling others any version of, “that’s just who I am, deal with it,” is taking the easy way out and avoiding an opportunity to grow in our self-awareness. I am not suggesting we change based on every person’s opinion of us, but I am suggesting that we evaluate what others think of us, and look for patterns and realistic ways to improve.

I wish we all took more seriously the gift we were given to use our natural abilities to make choices that align more closely with our goals. We sometimes wonder how we ended up in certain situations or how relationships went sour, but if we evaluate choices we made that led us there we can see how making different choices would likely have led to a better outcome. We should take more time to thinking through our choices before we make them instead of after the fact. Choice is powerful but often an overlooked ability.

The final thing I wish could be instilled in people is the importance of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a big topic so if I were going to get specific with a recommendation it would be to develop emotional intelligence in our children. The two greatest ways we can do this are by raising them with limited screen time and by allowing them to make mistakes and experience the consequences of their own decisions. Obviously don’t let them put themselves in other clearly dangerous situations (like keeping loaded guns accessible in the house) but also don’t shield them from every challenge or uncomfortable scenario they may face.

One of the things I personally struggle with is the line between sounding preachy and simply sharing experiences and knowledge I’ve developed through research and experiences. I have a lot of work to do in my own life. Growth is a forever project. But there are certain things we could change in our lives that I am confident would help us lead happier and more fulfilling lives.

Even if we each just pick one thing to work on for the next sixty days it would make a difference. Give it a try. Find an accountability method or partner. Keep notes on your progress. Share what you learn with me if you’re willing. I geek out about these things and would be honored to hear your story.