Jackie Krawczak

One of the most popular topics that I work with my clients on is emotional intelligence. According to Oxford Languages, emotional intelligence is the “capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.”

Because it is a topic I present often, I intentionally keep up with the research and news on emotional intelligence. Research shows that levels of emotional intelligence are continually decreasing in our population. That’s not good because emotional intelligence is associated with better relationships, more success, higher levels of happiness, greater job satisfaction and many more positives.

I observe examples frequently of low levels of emotional intelligence. Acting in passive aggressive ways, holding grudges, choosing not to forgive others, giving up because things get difficult are all examples of a lack of emotional intelligence. They are also relatively common behaviors any of us can observe if we are paying attention.

In the last couple of months, I’ve watched two series on Netflix. The first was, “Titan, the OceanGate Submersible Disaster.” The second was, “Unknown Number: The High School Catfish.”

Both shows are glaring examples of just how bad our emotional intelligence has gotten. I should have been shocked by the behavior of the main characters in these shows, but because shocking, non-emotionally intelligence behavior is common anymore, I would not describe myself as shocked. Instead, I find myself sad, disappointed and disgusted.

Titan is about a man named Stockton Rush who was trying to operate a tourism business to take customers on submersibles to visit the Titanic at the bottom of the ocean. I won’t go into all the details so I don’t ruin it for you if you haven’t watched the show, but I will say that if you want to see an example of what horrible things can happen when you lead with ego, power, or to chase money instead of leading with emotional intelligence, this show is an alarming example. It was disgusting to see him ignore warning signs and put lives in danger to achieve fame and monetary gain. Someone with a high level of emotional intelligence would never have acted in those ways.

High School Catfish is about a high school aged boyfriend and girlfriend who are cyber stalked and cyber bullied to the extreme. Even after they break up, the cyber bullying continues. I don’t want to spoil the outcome of this one for you, but I am going to. I apologize.

They discovered that the person responsible for sending the terrible messages is the young woman’s own mother. She texted some horrific things to her own daughter and others, including encouraging her daughter to end her own life.

What kind of parent does that? One with her own mental health issues and one who certainly has extremely low levels of emotional intelligence.

These are true stories. Truly disgusting and disappointing stories.

I’d like to say these examples are few and far between but unfortunately, they aren’t.

So many are acting in ways that are embarrassing for society, and even more disgusting, are acting in ways that hurt others. We are seeing an increase in senseless violence because we can no longer have productive discourse, increases in outrageous behaviors because people are desperate for attention and affirmation, and decreases in healthy values that are proven to be values that lead to greater happiness.

This column won’t change anyone or cause higher levels of emotional intelligence. The only thing that will improve a person’s emotional intelligence is their own desire to change. How bad must things get before more people choose to work on their emotional intelligence?

And why wouldn’t someone want to make decisions that lead toward more happiness, better relationships, greater success, and so many other positive outcomes?

Choose emotional intelligence. The outcome will be worth the work.

Jackie Krawczak is president of Jackie Krawczak LLC. Her column runs every three weeks on Thursdays. Follow Jackie on X @jkrawczak.