Lesslee Dort

“Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” was a popular saying years ago.

And, oddly, it was just sing-songy enough that it seemed to stop someone from being mean. Or, maybe they stopped because they remembered their parent’s teaching, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything.”

I don’t think those sayings are used today. During a recent call to my doctor’s office, I was met with a recorded message warning me that if I used foul language or verbally abused the staff, my call might be terminated. Might be? Of course it should be! And just a few days later, I visited a hospital and saw posters warning that, “Aggressive behavior will not be tolerated.” Have we really reached the point where we need visual and audible reminders not to mistreat others?

It’s as if mean, disrespectful behavior has crept into every aspect of our lives. Even if we’re not the target, we feel the impact of incivility. That’s what happened to me at the grocery store. It was a tough, emotional day, and my defenses were weakened. I could have used a little sunshine, perhaps a hug or a kind word. Instead, I witnessed someone red-faced yelling at a store clerk over the price of an item. The defenseless clerk looked upset even as the manager was attempting to de-escalate the situation. I abandoned my shopping and left.

I’m not made of candy glass — I don’t shatter easily. Nor do I think we are always kind and thoughtful with others. But, come on. Yelling at a store clerk over something they have no control over is weak and ineffective. Plus, the person yelling is spilling their vile mood all over everyone around them. It’s like word-shrapnel.

Has the world become rougher, or are we just more aware of it? The public warnings and rude outbursts we encounter make it hard to tell.

Do people realize they’re being abrasive? Surprisingly, a recent study revealed the vast majority of people don’t. Roughly 4% intend to be rude.

Harsh behavior often comes from a place of stress, fear, or frustration. The challenges of modern life have left many of us feeling trapped and unsure. For some, that pressure boils over into rude behavior, often aimed at the most vulnerable.

But here’s something to consider: not every rude remark is meant as a personal attack. Sometimes, it’s just a reflection of someone’s bad day or inner struggles. When we start to view it this way, it becomes easier to take a step back and not let someone’s negativity drag us down. It’s like a shield–realizing that their behavior is more about them than it is about us.

Since we aren’t all police or therapists trained to deal with this behavior, we need to protect ourselves.

One way is to choose to rise above and not let it control our mood. In that moment at the grocery store, I felt my patience break and removed myself from a situation. That was a choice to protect my own peace. Maybe next time, I’ll take a deep breath, let the moment pass, and move forward.

Though the real work needs to come from the perpetrator, not the bystander. Self-awareness is an important part of this. The more mindful we are of our own reactions, the better we become at managing our behavior. It’s not always easy, but with practice, we can master our emotions rather than be ruled by them.

In the meantime, it also helps to remember that kindness can be a powerful antidote to rudeness. Responding with calmness and empathy can sometimes change the entire dynamic of an interaction. The good news is that we all have the power to create a more positive environment. It starts with small, everyday actions. When we show kindness to a grocery store employee or patience to a customer service rep, we’re planting seeds of civility that can grow into something bigger. These moments of kindness might seem small, but they can have a ripple effect.

I’m hopeful. Yes, we’ve all been through a lot, and the world feels different. But that’s all the more reason to bring more patience and understanding into our interactions. We never know what someone else is going through, and sometimes, the simplest gestures can make a world of difference.

Next time you encounter rudeness, try this: take a deep breath and remind yourself that you have the power to shape your response. You’re not responsible for someone else’s bad day. Instead of reacting in-kind, be responsible and choose to move forward. Maybe, just maybe, if more of us shake off the rudeness and meet it with measured kindness, we’ll bring a little more light into the world.

At the end of the day, overcoming rudeness isn’t just about protecting ourselves–it’s about choosing to spread joy. If we make this choice often enough, we might just inspire others to do the same. And who knows? Maybe the world will start to feel a little kinder, one interaction at a time.

Lesslee Dort, a native of Northeast Michigan, is drawn to the outdoors to restore balance. A board-certified patient advocate, Lesslee firmly believes knowledge is power and learning is constant. She is always willing to help others help themselves. Reach Lesslee via email at regardingthejourney@lesslee.com. Read her here the third Thursday of each month.