Landing on my feet
Thinking Outside the Box
I recently attended a suicide prevention walk in my area to help raise funds and awareness for the rising epidemic in our country. The speaker, who also works in mental health, was very transparent and admitted to having suicidal thoughts at one point in her life. According to statistics, someone dies by suicide approximately every 10 minutes in the United States. Everyone has been impacted by suicide in one way or another. This got me thinking about my situation as well as some of the clients that I work with.
My life has not been without heartache or loss. However, I don’t advertise it and most people in proximity to me aren’t completely aware of this. Not even my inner circle of family and friends know some the many struggles I’ve faced throughout my lifetime (except of course when I write articles like this). My mother has said to me on more than one occasion that I am like a cat, I always land on my feet. In spite of this, I have to admit that there have been moments in my life where I wondered if life was worth living.
As a counselor, it perplexes me when I see people with incredibly difficult lives bouncing back. Then, on the other hand, others who really struggle with seemingly small setbacks. What causes people to overcome even the hardest of situations? Through my experiences talking with multitudes of people who have suffered from tremendous trauma and loss, I’ve noticed the following traits in those who possess resiliency.
First, resilient people are able to cope with life problems and are aware of their strengths and weaknesses. They have learned what will work best in any given situation. They have figured out what they need and what they need to work on. They’ve identified the changes that need to be made in their lives and are motivated to pursue making them.
Second, we all have flaws and weaknesses. However, resilient people have the courage to embrace them, and don’t let their weaknesses keep them from taking risks and pursuing their dreams. Trying to hide weaknesses is a waste of time. Time that could be spent on making needed improvements. Resilient people accept the blame for their mistakes and are open to constructive criticism from others. Owning up to what you lack and being transparent to others gives you power and the ability to get the help you need to grow and change.
Third, it’s important to gain a positive perspective during tough times. The reality is that not everything in life will turn out good. Some things we experience in life are quite the opposite. Resilient people see light even in the darkest of situations, and can even find humor where there may not seem to be any. Studies have shown that a positive outlook and laughter can be very therapeutic. Resilient people have learned to look for the silver lining inside the clouds.
Fourth, resilient people have a good support system. They are likely to attract those who will support their positive outlook. They have learned how to develop effective communication skills and set boundaries when needed with others. This enables them to build and maintain healthy, supportive relationships with those around them. They are also not too proud to ask for help when they need it.
May I also add that I have observed through the years of working with people that those who connect to a belief in a higher power or God as they know him and connect with some sort of spiritual belief system, tend to tackle life’s challenges more easily and effectively.
Fifth, resilient people have learned to be comfortable with discomfort. They can navigate uncertainty. Nothing in life is certain. Sometimes our plans don’t work out and things happen that we don’t expect or want to happen. Resilient people are able to maintain a positive outlook even in difficult times. Nothing is constant and change is inevitable. They are ready for the unpredictable and often have a backup plan when things don’t seem to be working out for them.
Sixth, resilient people can differentiate between what is and isn’t in their control. They’re able to stay in the present and not be bothered by what others are doing around them. People who always need to be in control of everyone and everything will be hard hit when unexpected change comes. Resilient people have learned how to release control.
Lastly, resilient people have vision. They see the big picture. They are able to broaden their horizons, and aren’t narrow-minded. So, the problem they are currently encountering doesn’t appear like a mountain and isn’t insurmountable. They are able to see past their problems and look for possible solutions.
In conclusion, it’s difficult to move forward in life when we haven’t learned how to work through setbacks and stay focused on our goals and desires as difficult and challenging as that may be at times. Don’t lose heart if you feel like you lack some or even all of the traits mentioned above. With both time and determination, resiliency can be both learned and developed. Give yourself grace and don’t give up.
Kamara Marsh is a Michigan-made Licensed Professional Counselor and award-winning artist from East Lansing now residing in Alpena, where she combines her gifts of art and healing to reach the world, one person at a time. She can be reached at esimorp@att.net.