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Now, for something completely different

Most readers of this column will remember “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”.

However, there will be some who won’t — the younger ones. As to them, it’s high time they gained some familiarity with the troupe, for our salvation may depend upon the Circus’s guidance.

The Flying Circus’s hallmark was the variety and flexibility it employed in addressing life’s issues. They were not afraid to try something new or to question the appropriateness of existing dogma. Commonly, they would announce a new approach with the words used as the title of this column: “Now for something completely different.”

Then, sure enough, they would come up with something completely different.

Allow me to trot out a few examples of their uniqueness; here are some subjects they explored: Camel spotting, The Ministry of Silly Walks, Society For Putting Things On Top Of Other Things, The Man Who is Alternately Rude and Polite.

All material you will find nowhere else.

Here’s another example, one that demonstrates the value of their singular perspective when applied to a currently relevant issue — how to handle spam. Like us, they had too much of the stuff around. I’m sure it was to them what it is to us — a threat to logical thinking, a barrier in our ongoing search for what to believe as opposed to what to delete.

What did the Flyers do to get rid of their spam? They put it on the menu — customers could order:

Eggs and Spam,

Eggs, sausage, and Spam,

Eggs, Spam, sausage, beans, and Spam,

Spam, Spam, beans, bacon, and Spam, and

Spam, Spam, Spam, beans, Spam, sausage — and Spam.

In this way, they disposed of all their spam.

The only problem they encountered was with a lady who refused to order it. She said she didn’t like Spam, wanted something without Spam, which, of course, was the whole point — getting rid of all the spam.

This, an example of the Flying Circus’ innovative approach to one of life’s thornier issues.

Here’s another:

A Circus member had purchased a parrot represented as being healthy — it wasn’t. The member returned his purchase:

“I wish to complain about this parrot.”

“Why, what’s wrong with it?”

“I’ll tell you what is wrong with it — it’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it.”

“No, sir, it’s not dead; it’s resting.”

“That parrot is definitely deceased. You assured me that its lack of movement was due to being tired and shagged out after a long squawk, but I took the liberty of examining it and discovered that the only reason it had been sitting on its perch was that it had been nailed there.”

“It was nailed there to keep it from flying off.”

“Look matey, this parrot wouldn’t vroom if I put four thousand volts through it. It’s bleeding demised!”

“It’s not; it’s pining.”

“It’s not pining; it’s passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It’s expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It’s a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It’s rung down the curtain. This is an ex-parrot.”

“Well, I’d better replace it then.”

Reality — brought within one’s grasp was, at last, grasped — because of the perception and insistence of a member of The Flying Circus.

Currently, we are facing a reality-denying problem of our own, one that needs grasping.

A few months back, we had a presidential election. Our votes were counted by election workers who are our neighbors and friends; their results were certified as accurate by both the county and state.

Despite our congressman’s spam-based attempt to prevent it, Michigan’s electors’ votes were counted — for the person who received the most votes.

That election is now a dead issue — a reality that needs to be grasped — some would say, cherished.

Yet, some people are trying to nail this deceased election up on a perch and present it as if it were yet viable. It isn’t — no matter how many nails they use.

If you encounter someone who tells you the presidential election is not over — especially if they ask for money to help keep it alive — don’t buy it. That election’s a goner.

Doug Pugh’s “Vignettes” runs weekly on Saturdays. He can be reached at pughda@gmail.com.

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