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Lousy gene pool

January 26, 2012 - Steve Murch
Dear Mom and Dad,

Why did you not have more athletic genes? Why did you condemn me to a life a working for a living until I'm close to 70 years old instead of giving me talent to make money playing games?

Mom, why were you only 5'2" and limit how tall I would grow to be? My sister and I come from the same gene pool, yet Kathy, who is shorter than you, managed to have a son who is still growing and is as tall as me as a sophomore. I somehow had a growth spurt AFTER I got out of high school and grew over an inch.

Dad, since you knew I was going to be limited, why didn't you teach me how to hit better. I had a decent glove and could read a ball at the crack of the bat, but couldn't hit a lick so I ran track in high school (and I wasn't gifted with being fleet afoot). If I could have hit I might have been a stellar baseball player. Instead I'm just a nose-to-the-grindstone working stiff.

Prince Fielder just signed a contract for over $200 million with the Detroit Tigers. His press conference was today and I have to tell you, he looks pretty darned happy. He and his dad are estranged, or just this side of it, but we have a great relationship. I surely would have taken good care of you so you could retire early, just as you took care of me while I grew up.

Imagine the life I could have provided for you if you just would have given me better genes. Perhaps this is something you might want to consider in the next life if you have children.

Your (common-everyday-kind-of-guy) son, STEVE


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