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Heller now selling naming rights

Come Heller high water …

∫ Cobo Hall in Detroit just sold naming rights to Chemical Bank. Nothing against Chemical Bank but I wish stadiums and other venues weren’t named for businesses. It’s a lot more fun going to, say, Tiger Stadium than Comerica Park. And I don’t care how long it’s been DTE Energy Music Theatre, it’ll always be Pine Knob to me.

∫ I wouldn’t at all be opposed, however, if a business wanted to pay me $1.5 million (the amount they’re paying Cobo) a year to call me Chemical Bank Heller. For a little more, they could call my kids Christmas Club, Interest Free Checking Account, and 30-Year Fixed.

∫ Greta Van Fleet won a Grammy for best rock album. So, why don’t you ever hear them on the radio? (Cue Gen Y-ers: “The what?” It’s a thing in your car dashboard that tells the time). I smell the work of consultants. Consultants spoil everything, especially radio. There are only four types of FM music stations left these days: country (ick), pop songs sung by young ladies who all sound alike (and, for all I know, might be the same person), hip-hop (ick) and oldies (acceptable, but c’mon, Journey wasn’t that great, OK?). I’m too young to remember the days when radio jocks with taste played whatever they liked, but I wish those days would return. I know I have the world’s music at my fingertips with my cell, but, sometimes, I’d like to hear what others think is worthy.

∫ Words I like: plum, gizmo and recalcitrant (look it up).

∫ Apropos of nothing: I’m thinking about going back to a landline. Why? Because I always forget to leave the ringer on my cell phone on. Then, I end up thinking either, “Why isn’t anyone calling?” or ,”What if the kids needed us?”

∫ Today’s truism: The five-second rule does not apply to car floors, even if you drop your last McDonald’s french fry.

∫ If the Lions don’t sign Le’Veon Bell, they’re idiots. MSU guy. Stud running back. What’s not to love? (And, of course, they won’t because — say it with me — they’re the Lions; they never met a good opportunity that they liked).

∫ A U.S. Postal Service worker is charged for having nearly 15,000 pieces of undelivered mail in her home. I wonder if her name is Newman (only “Seinfeld” fans will get that; see, there was this episode where … oh, never mind).

∫ I distinctly remember The Farmer’s Almanac saying we were going to get a warmer, drier winter. Clearly, they flubbed. I’m freezing my soy beans off just about every day, and snow-blowing three times a day. I’m surprised when it isn’t snowing. That’s how snowy it’s been.

∫ According to a new study that measured 43 metrics from pot to porn use to — oddly enough — number of hair salons (vanity?), Michigan is the ninth-most sinful state in the union. I’m surprised we’re that high. I didn’t think we were that interesting. Some of you are clearly having more fun than me. Where’s my invitation?

∫ I’m glad New York told Amazon to buzz off. Using tax breaks to compete for companies ought to be outlawed. Flint played that game with GM for decades, always knuckling under. How’d that work out? Companies should pay their fair share.

∫ “There are more things that frighten us than injure us, and we suffer more in imagination than in reality.” — Seneca.

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