Dems shouldn’t think the tide has turned their way

Come Heller high water …

∫ Let’s not get too excited, Dems. The narrow election of Doug Jones over Roy “Mall Rat” Moore in Alabama does not mean the party’s back. Far from it. Democrats still have no national message, still have no leadership, still have no money, still have the baggage of Billary, and still have to overcome the right’s systematic and enormously successful nationwide gerrymandering and voter suppression tactics. All Jones’ election means is just barely enough voters in Alabama were uncomfortable enough with a sexual predator/closet Klansman representing them to get off the front porch couch and vote. Remember, only 40 percent of the electorate participated, and only half those people picked the better human being. That’s hardly the start of anything.

∫ Oh, stop, I know the front porch couch thing was a cheap shot. Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

∫ It’s easy to tell when Trump writes his tweets and when a staffer does. Trump: “Lightweight Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, a total flunky for Chuck Schumer and someone who would come to my office “begging” for campaign contributions not so long ago (and would do anything for them), is now in the ring fighting against Trump. Very disloyal to Bill & Crooked-USED!” Not Trump: “Congratulations to Doug Jones on a hard fought victory. The write-in votes played a very big factor, but a win is a win. The people of Alabama are great, and the Republicans will have another shot at this seat in a very short period of time. It never ends!”

∫ No, it never does, does it. Just when you think he can’t go any lower, he writes a tweet suggesting a female U.S. senator would be happy to trade sexual favors for a campaign contribution. If I were Gillibrand’s spouse, I’d wanna knock his lights out.

∫ According to Fox News, Trump advisor and former “Apprentice” contestant Omarosa Manigault Newman was physically dragged from the White House after she was fired this week. I’m shocked, aren’t you? She seemed like such a stable and dignified woman.

∫ Apropos of nothing, I had a Ding Dong the other day for the first time in years. They’re half the size that they used to be. What the heck? There’s no hope for humanity.

∫ Every time I use the snow-blower, I feel vaguely embarrassed since I swore I’d never use one. It feels like a rejection of my he-man, 10-foot snowbank, Yooper heritage. What can I say, the lovely yet formidable Marcia wanted one. What was I to do?

∫ Tweet of the Week honors go to the wicked John Dingell, who posted this after the Trump Mars announcement this week “I fully support @realDonaldTrump’s interest in space travel to Mars, and I wish him the absolute best in his travels.”

∫ A report this week said Trump drinks 12 cans of Diet Coke a day. Just once, I’d like to see someone slip him a Mentos. (Let’s see if any of you get this.)

∫ The same report said he watched 4-8 hours of TV every day, too. So if you wanna know what’s going on in “The Young and the Restless,” he’s probably your guy.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” — Dr. Seuss.